1 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,360 [funky music playing] 2 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,040 Look at this shit. 3 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:18,800 Back to its former glory. 4 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,560 Like a phoenix from the flames. 5 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,240 Oh, my God. Tyler's play. Fuck! What time is it? 6 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,600 Where's them dickheads? Oi, oi, Ash? 7 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,360 - Cardi! - Shit. 8 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:28,880 What the fuck's going on? 9 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,480 - Nothing. - Well, why is all that out? 10 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,119 - What you watching? - Not doll porn. 11 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,640 It has to stop. Last time I am telling you. 12 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,216 ["Money (That's What I Want)" playing] 13 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:37,520 [Cardi] Idiot. We got caught. 14 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,440 ♪ The best things in life are free… ♪ 15 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,880 [Vinnie] Two wheels in the sand here, we're late! 16 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,920 I said we would be. This is your fucking fault. 17 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,720 - [Cardi] Stop worrying, we'll make it. - [Vinnie] Honestly. Fuck me. 18 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,040 [Tommo] This play better be fucking good. 19 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,400 [Tyler] Who will help me dig the earth? 20 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:53,480 [lamb] I won't! 21 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,840 - [cat] I won't! - [pig] I won't! 22 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:56,960 [Tyler] I'll do it myself. 23 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,800 - Who will help me plant this wheat? - [boy] I won't. 24 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,240 - I won't! - I won't! 25 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,080 Fucking hell. Flat! Fucking pig. 26 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:07,880 [Tyler] I will do it myself. 27 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,200 Who will help me water these seeds? 28 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,480 - I won't! - I won't! 29 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:16,760 - I won't! - That fucking pig. He's really… 30 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,480 - He's good. - [Tyler] I will do it myself. 31 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,080 [audience applauding, cheering] 32 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,320 All the pupils of year three have all made a special card, 33 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,440 - to show how much we love… - [children] You. 34 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:36,800 They each have a special message inside for the people we love. 35 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,320 [applause] 36 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,280 - Daddy. Daddy. - Oh, thanks, buddy. 37 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:45,880 That's lovely. 38 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,800 Come here and give me a love. Oh, you are getting heavy. 39 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:51,040 - [Tyler] Mummy. - [Erin] You were so bloody good. 40 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,240 [Vinnie] Who was the pig? You were a lot better than the pig. 41 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,440 I thought the pig was lacklustre. 42 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,920 Ashley, what's going on? Are you all right? 43 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,600 You might wanna put that out. 44 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:06,800 - Sorry. - It's a school. 45 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:08,880 It's just my father. 46 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:12,000 I've been thinking about him a lot, since Mammy went back to Ireland. 47 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:14,600 All this, like… 48 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,880 I never had any of that, let alone the people in the seats. 49 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:20,840 Do you miss him? 50 00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,360 Not Daddy, no, not that arsehole. 51 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,080 My actual, real dad. 52 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,400 Yeah? 53 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,480 Look at me, lads, I don't look anything like the others. 54 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,960 Mammy was adamant. Every time I asked her. 55 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,000 We all had the same dad. Daddy. 56 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,240 Fucked if he's my dad. 57 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,560 'Cause she'd have to admit to having an affair. 58 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,920 Yeah, but I don't care. Sure, I'm a grown adult, like… 59 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,320 I don't care what she did. 60 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,120 Hang on. 61 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,440 We were gonna tell you at the pub tonight. 62 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:54,960 Er, me and Carol, 'cause… 63 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,080 - we're getting married again. - [all exclaim] 64 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,280 Niall is gonna be there. 65 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,200 He knows all the family secrets, doesn't he? 66 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:06,920 So, we could just, like, ambush him and get him to tell you the truth. 67 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,280 That's a fucking good idea. 68 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,680 Niall, he gets really weird, anything to do with my mammy. 69 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:14,520 Now, listen, there isn't a day goes by 70 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:17,240 where I don't think about my mum leaving me, man, honestly. 71 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:18,680 She's out there somewhere. 72 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,960 I mean, if you find your dad, he could be a massive knobhead, 73 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,960 but at least we tried, you know? 74 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:26,160 - Yeah? Yeah? - Yeah. Yeah. 75 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,960 [gentle music playing] 76 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:37,520 Go on, sod off. 77 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,600 [slides door shut] 78 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:43,960 [sighs] 79 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:47,240 You're still his Uncle Dylan. 80 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,960 You are just as important to him now as you ever fucking were, man. 81 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,600 I know. 82 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,160 What the fuck's going on with you? 83 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,240 I'm fine. 84 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:03,680 Fuck off. 85 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,960 - Talk to me. - I'm fine. 86 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,160 I… [scoffs] 87 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:11,760 I dunno, I'm just… 88 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,760 I dunno, just, it feels like… 89 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,440 you've got something I had. 90 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:23,800 You know? 91 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,200 I was kind of his dad, you know, and now… 92 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,400 - You're still his family. - I'm not his dad. I'm not. 93 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,320 She got rid of my kid, 94 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,840 and I know that sounds like a fucking broken record, 95 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:40,520 but it's hard, all right? It's fucking hard 96 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,680 - to forgive her for that. - Yeah. 97 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,920 You know, I just… It's some sort of irony. 98 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,800 You know, stop shagging round and just, 99 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,640 you know, find someone I can have a life with, because… 100 00:04:57,280 --> 00:05:00,240 You're right. You do need to sort yourself out. I agree. 101 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,240 But I am telling you now, man, 102 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,560 with no agenda at all, that fucking boy adores you. 103 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,440 Do you understand? 104 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:13,040 That card there is for both of us. It's not just mine, man. 105 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,520 Now stop having sex with random strangers. 106 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,120 You're gonna get chlamydia. 107 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,840 - Again. - Give me a love. 108 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,960 [laughs heartily] 109 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,120 ♪ You don't have to say you love me ♪ 110 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,080 ♪ Just be close at hand… ♪ 111 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:29,960 To Carol and Cardi! 112 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,800 - [all] Cardi and Carol. - [all cheering] 113 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,680 Hang on. It doesn't mean we've gotta steal another wedding, does it? 114 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,280 I can't do that again. 115 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,480 No. We're keeping this one real simple. Registry office, booze up, 116 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,520 then a honeymoon on Three Eyed Pete's barge. 117 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,840 [Tommo] Three Eyed Pete? I thought he went to prison 118 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,440 for flashing his knob on the towpath. 119 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,160 He did, it's why the barge is available. 120 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,360 [all laughing] 121 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,320 - Congratulations. - Thanks. Second time lucky, innit! 122 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,320 Does he get a plus one, for the wedding reception? 123 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,840 Er, yes, certainly. Yes. 124 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:00,160 I'm only joking, unless you want me to come. 125 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,680 I'd love to. I do love a wedding. 126 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:05,760 He'd love you to come with him, he's just brutal at talking to girls. 127 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,680 Great. Well, look forward to it. 128 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,040 All right, you. Fucking hell. 129 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,600 [all whooping, cheering] 130 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,200 Stop wooing me, dudes. 131 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,800 She's into you something fierce, Vin. 132 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,080 No. No. 133 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,640 It just feels a bit inappropriate 134 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:21,360 going to a wedding for a first date, dude. Very intense. 135 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,600 Niall's on his own over there. Will you talk to him? 136 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,840 ♪ You don't have to stay forever ♪ 137 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,320 ♪ I will understand… ♪ 138 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,400 - All right, Erin. - All right, Mick. 139 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,360 I hear you and Dylan aren't together. 140 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:35,440 You heard right. 141 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:38,840 Well, you're in luck. I'm single, as it goes. 142 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,840 Bird I was seeing pissed off to Whitley Bay. 143 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,920 Right. Why Whitley? 144 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,360 God knows. Must have fancied moving down South. 145 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:50,960 It's up north, near Newcastle. 146 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,360 - Is it? - Yeah. 147 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:55,920 Bitch said it was on the east coast. 148 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,720 It is. It's north-east. 149 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,520 North-east? 150 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,120 - [song ends] - [all applauding] 151 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,840 Didn't know the north-east had a coast. 152 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,720 [all cheering, applauding] 153 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,560 [mimics Elvis] Thank you very much. 154 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,760 Here he is, big lad. How are you keeping? 155 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,600 - Hi, Vinnie. - You're looking well. 156 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:14,520 Quick chat. 157 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,720 Been a bit worried about our Ashley. He seems down in the dumps. 158 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:19,800 Anyway… 159 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,240 I think I've found out why. It's his dad. 160 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,520 - What about him? - He's wondering what's going on. 161 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,040 He knows he don't look like the rest of yous, you know. 162 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,040 Not the same da as the rest of us? 163 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,520 Let's be grown-ups. He's mixed-race, isn't he? 164 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,680 - Vinnie, you're talking shite. - I'm not. 165 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,440 - He's fucking definitely mixed-race. - That's enough. 166 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,760 Niall, he is not bothered, he's not angry, or owt, 167 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,520 he just wants to meet his real dad. 168 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,000 You're saying my mother had an extramarital affair? 169 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,280 Is that what you're suggesting? 170 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,960 That my mother cheated on her loving husband with a Black man? 171 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:51,160 He didn't love her. 172 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,640 He used to press his dick up against the bus window, 173 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,200 - remember... - How dare you? How dare you? 174 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,680 - Niall! - [Mick] What's he said? 175 00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,040 - What have you said? - Nothing. 176 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,360 - [Ash] Niall! - Let me hit him. 177 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:01,640 I've already hit him. 178 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,240 Ring caught me on the lip. 179 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,840 Not standing here, being insulted by this baldy bastard. 180 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,440 - Sorry. I didn't mean to upset anyone. - [punches] 181 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,000 [groans] Oh, you fucker. 182 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,920 - Prick. - That's just… Fuck me. 183 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:14,640 Fucking lip and dick. 184 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,760 - How did it go over there? - I got hit, twice. 185 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:19,160 I need to be sick. 186 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:20,720 [coughs] See you at the wedding. 187 00:08:37,159 --> 00:08:38,240 [screams] 188 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:39,840 - Erin! - [Erin screams] 189 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,520 It's only me. I'm free. 190 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,440 Jah rastafari. Yes, blessed I am. 191 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,640 - You stupid fucking bastard. - What, did I scare you? 192 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:54,040 ♪ Oh, Danny Boy ♪ 193 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,960 ♪ The pipes, the pipes are calling… ♪ 194 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:02,960 Ash. 195 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,880 You're my brother, right? No matter what, you're my brother. 196 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,680 But you know the rules. We don't go delving into the past. Okay? 197 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:19,200 You didn't get that from me. 198 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,240 [over phone] You're shit in a bucket, Anthony. 199 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,080 - That's what we call you, isn't it? - Yeah. 200 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,360 Shit in a bucket! 201 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,200 I've heard what you've been saying 202 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:44,200 about your lady fighting me! [laughs] 203 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,080 I don't know. What's the deal? 204 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,200 Why did Niall tell us to visit your Auntie Pat? 205 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,680 - Don't think that's your dad? - I thought about it. 206 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:51,840 You think I look like him? 207 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:52,800 Man, come on! 208 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,280 You're fucking shit in a bucket! 209 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,640 I don't fucking know. I mean, Tyler's my little lad. 210 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,160 Do I look anything like him? 211 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,360 - No. No. No. - Exactly. 212 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,520 He's a terrific-looking boy. He is, yeah. 213 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,080 Well, he is, in't he? That bone structure. 214 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,800 - That's all his mum. - I was a cute baby. Everyone said. 215 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,640 Everyone said that, did they? Everyone? 216 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,400 Dickhead, listen to this. 217 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,920 Ashley, I was involved in a very prestigious award at Hawley fair 218 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,160 when I was 12-months-old. 219 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,680 - Guess what the award was. - Go on. 220 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,600 Beautiful baby competition, it was. I won the fucking thing. 221 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,600 - No way. - Now, who told you that, eh? 222 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,480 - Huh? - Obviously, you can't remember it, 223 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:31,720 so who told you? 224 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,080 - My dad. - Your dad told you? 225 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:36,120 Yeah. Because he gambled, and I'd have a go at him. 226 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,960 He'd say, "Shut up, Vincent. You've gotta be in it to win it." 227 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,400 "Look at you, and that…" 228 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,080 You and that beautiful baby competition. 229 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:47,160 - Just fuck off, dude. Shit. - [laughs] 230 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,240 Shit. 231 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,280 ["Time Hard" playing] 232 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,080 ♪ Everyday ♪ 233 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,440 ♪ Things are getting worse ♪ 234 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:55,640 ♪ Everyday… ♪ 235 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:56,720 [Erin] Ronnie. 236 00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,120 Right, sit up. Here. 237 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,320 [grunting] Come on, Erin, 238 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:04,160 can your brother not just get the sleep he needs? 239 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:05,720 Sit up! It's burning my hand. 240 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,280 - Fucking hell. For God's sake. - Now. 241 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:08,760 [snorts] 242 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,480 - That's an all right brew, that, Ezzo. - Mmm. 243 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,680 - You're still a Buddhist, I take it? - Buddhist? 244 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:15,760 Oh, come on, Erin. 245 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,840 Labels, man. Labels. Labels. 246 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,080 I've had enough of them. I've had 'em all my life. 247 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,080 - Mmm. - People go, "Oh, Ronnie, he's rubbish." 248 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,560 - "Ronnie is fucking thick." - Well… 249 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:30,000 "Ronnie is a feckless, violent, aggressive thief." 250 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,360 You are all them things. 251 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,200 That… I was, Erin. 252 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,840 W to the O to the S. Was. 253 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,960 - So, what I'm gonna do is… - Go on… 254 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,400 I'm gonna prove to you, Erin, that I can… 255 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,280 I can make a go of things. 256 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:45,320 Turn things around without having to resort to like, erm… 257 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,640 - What's the fucking word? - [clears throat] 258 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,400 Rather than kicking someone's head in and taking the money. 259 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,880 - How are you gonna do that? - Easy. Get a job. 260 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,080 Yeah. 261 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,080 Earn money, legit vibes, 262 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:59,240 and then fuck off to Ireland and hook up… 263 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,600 - Remember Donal McGuinness? - The extortionist? 264 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,400 Not any more. He runs a guest house in Cork. 265 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,440 He's looking for a fucking sous chef. Ah-ah, hello. 266 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:07,720 And that's you, is it? 267 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,480 I'm a fucking whizz with the wok. 268 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,000 When I was inside, everyone called me Ronnie The Wok. 269 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,560 Yeah, Ronnie Wok Wok. Ronnie, go chop chop. 270 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,280 Foo Young Croft, they called me. 271 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,600 Char Sui Ronnie, big style, yeah. 272 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:22,160 I'm turning, I'm turning, I'm turning over a new leaf. 273 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,160 - There you go. Well done. - Thank you very much. 274 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,560 - Okay. All right. You can't stay here. - What? 275 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,880 Right. One, 276 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,000 - I've got a paying lodger. - Shugs. 277 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:33,240 Yeah. Two, I got an eight-year-old that doesn't need the bad influence 278 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,920 from his lazy, thieving uncle, that's why. 279 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,760 So, who's got a fucking spare room then? 280 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:43,000 Do I look like a fucking halfway house 281 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,240 for the waifs and strays of society? 282 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,440 Bleeding heart liberals chucking open their doors 283 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,360 to every daft cunt with a sob story! 284 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,480 [mimics sobbing] 285 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,680 Oh, they had a bad upbringing. 286 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,920 Oh, they were molested by their Uncle Philip. 287 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:02,080 Oh, they've got, erm, connection issues. 288 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:04,960 Fuck off! 289 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,040 They're selfish, robbing twats, 290 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,080 never done a decent day's work in their lives. 291 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,360 And you can send as many fucking theatre workshops 292 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,520 as you like into prisons, 293 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,520 they're not gonna come out quoting Romeo and cunting Juliet! 294 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,040 Is that a yes, or a no? 295 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,320 Argh! 296 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,480 [rock music playing] 297 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:29,600 [imperceptible] 298 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,360 Go on! 299 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:38,920 [imperceptible] 300 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:41,920 Christ. 301 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:43,800 I know how he feels. 302 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:47,800 That there, that's how life is treating me at the moment. 303 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:48,880 Argh! 304 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,640 [rock music continues] 305 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,400 - Shame. - Hmm. 306 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:07,240 - [Ash] Hard luck there, Auntie Pat. - Hey, all right, young Ashley. 307 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:08,640 I didn't see you in the crowd. 308 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:10,600 Too busy hiding behind my hands. 309 00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:12,400 - [laughs] - Good man. 310 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,120 Remind me. 311 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,280 I'm Vinnie. 312 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,440 I was that big last time you seen me, Pat. 313 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,200 Tommo. We've not met. 314 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:20,400 Ah, you look familiar. 315 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,240 Didn't you run the Rat and Cutter? 316 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,280 Hey, hey, hey, that is fake news, pal, that is. 317 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,720 I still run it. I'm the proprietor. I'm the fucking visionary, mate. 318 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,640 Yeah, last Christmas party, didn't you play one of the horny elves? 319 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:35,560 [Vinnie clears throat] 320 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,240 [laughs silently] 321 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:38,240 Is he all right? 322 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,760 Yeah. Yeah. Sensitive. 323 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,320 - [Vinnie] Here he is. - [Tommo] Brews up. 324 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,600 - [Ash] Thanks, Auntie. Thank you. - No problem. 325 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:46,720 Go on, get that down you. 326 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:47,920 [Tommo] Nice one, mate. 327 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,000 Now then, 328 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:50,920 what are you all doing here? 329 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,040 I'm sensing this isn't just a social visit. 330 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:55,720 [Vinnie] Not really, no. 331 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,680 Let's just come straight out with it. 332 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,600 His mam is saying that Der… 333 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:05,480 - Diarmuid. - Diarmuid is his real dad, right? 334 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,480 Same as his brothers, but that can't be true, you know? 335 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,600 We've come to you to see what you know, man. 336 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:11,920 Why me? 337 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,880 [Ash] You were around when we were growing up. 338 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:15,480 You know Mammy well. 339 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,400 - She was no saint. - She liked the dick. 340 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,880 - Okay. - [Auntie Pat] Don't we all, eh? 341 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,120 I'm not gay, but I'll suck dick now and again. 342 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,120 And I like wearing dresses, you know, 343 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,880 but I wouldn't want my langer cutting off like that sex-change lot. 344 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:28,960 [all] Mmm. 345 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,480 I knew this guy from the community had surgery, 346 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,400 and when it finished he asked for his… her balls back. 347 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:35,720 Had them set in a paperweight. 348 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,120 I said, "Why a paperweight?" 349 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,120 "When does paper ever blow away?" [laughs] 350 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,040 Fair point. 351 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:41,840 She says she sometimes works in the garden, 352 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,400 it can get windy, so I said, 353 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,120 "I'll build you a bigger fence, make it a sun trap." 354 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,120 The thing with Dad... 355 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,000 Beautiful garden. You should see it. 356 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,960 She's got Campanula muralis. It's dead hard to grow. 357 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,760 - Forms this dense mat of green foliage... - Pat, Pat, Pat. 358 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,000 Sorry, bredren, I'll stop you right there. It sounds like a sick garden, 359 00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,920 but you might be a bit concussed, lad. 360 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,480 Ah! I won't know for a while yet. 361 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:03,560 Listen, Pat, 362 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,840 you're essentially part of the family. 363 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,200 You were always drinking with Daddy, 364 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,480 or having the craic with Mammy, dancing around in the kitchen. 365 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,080 There were nights where you'd sleep over. 366 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,680 - You see what I am saying? - Oh, son. 367 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:21,360 I wish I could help. 368 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,040 I know she used to like to have affairs. 369 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,360 Her little comfort flings, as she used to call them. [laughs] 370 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:28,280 [grunts] 371 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,120 But who with, I don't know, 372 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,800 and which, if any, is your real dad… 373 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,320 - No bother. - [Auntie Pat] Sorry about that. 374 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:39,320 Right. Gents, on that note, I am having a slash. 375 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,800 Knock yourself out, horny elf. 376 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,960 Come on, you lot, let's talk about something happier. 377 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,280 It's private. Put it back. 378 00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:17,440 There's something in them albums he doesn't want us to see. 379 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:18,359 Like what? 380 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,440 Photos of him and your mum together? 381 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,760 Or a photo of him as a young lad, 30 years ago, 382 00:17:23,839 --> 00:17:25,000 looking a bit like yourself. 383 00:17:25,079 --> 00:17:27,839 Right, lads, we need to get those photo albums. 384 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:33,440 [brakes screech, handbrake crunches] 385 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:36,120 - [Cardi] Vin? - What? 386 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,600 [Cardi] What about the barmaid? 387 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:42,120 [both singing] ♪ Vinnie and Sammy sittin' in a tree ♪ 388 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:43,480 ♪ K-I-S-S… ♪ 389 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:44,760 Very mature. 390 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,560 Stuck on K, love? [laughs] 391 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,680 Listen, hey, I like her. 392 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,400 I'm terrified. Fuck's sake. I am not used to girls liking me. 393 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,760 Last pair of knockers I saw were Big Sandy's, 394 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:00,120 and she had… She had rigor mortis. It was still standing up. 395 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,800 Are you proper into her then? 396 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,320 Yeah, I am actually. 397 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,560 It's a worry though, man, you know. 398 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:07,200 Oof, is that Pat? That is Pat. 399 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:08,960 Oi, what have you to do? 400 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,160 Er, follow him. 401 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,560 Make sure he doesn't come back early. 402 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,640 Correct. And you follow him at what? 403 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,680 - Subtle distance. - Good lad! 404 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:20,800 Right, now listen to me. 405 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,080 He's probably going to the boozer. Get yourself a pint. 406 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,520 - All right? - [Cardi] Is that all? 407 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:25,600 - Sod off! - [Cardi] Bye. 408 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:26,760 Cardi. 409 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,720 [Cardi sarcastically] Tenner. Great. 410 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:31,800 Get your shit together. 411 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,360 Ashley, what do you think they'll do if we get caught? 412 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,640 [Ash] If any travellers do catch us, they'll just cut off our toes. 413 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:45,200 Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 414 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,600 - [man] Who goes there? - Shit. 415 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,280 - [man] Is there someone back there? - Fuck. 416 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:54,680 [Tommo miaows] 417 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,280 [miaows] 418 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:02,480 [man] Fucking cats. 419 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:05,720 [singing] Memory… 420 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,080 He's fucked off. That worked. 421 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,320 You wanna hear my baby lamb? 422 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,360 No. Another time. Come on. Let's get the fuck out of here. 423 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,440 [mumbling, cursing indistinctly] 424 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:22,640 [Vinnie] I didn't know you were going there, you idiot. 425 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:23,720 Shit, dude. 426 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,400 My fucking appendix, dude. Jesus Christ. 427 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:30,480 [mumbles] 428 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,800 …fucking walnuts. You been going to the gym? 429 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,800 You're feeling very lean yourself. 430 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,240 We were worried about you for a while there. 431 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:39,440 - Shoes. - What? 432 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,560 We've just broke through the fucking window. 433 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:45,000 This is Auntie Pat's house. Have a bit of respect. Shoes! 434 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,080 Christ, mate. 435 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,800 ["You Ain't The Problem" playing over stereo] 436 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,360 ♪ I hope to find who I believe in ♪ 437 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,880 ♪ Get back in line I can't deny myself… ♪ 438 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:04,080 Fuck it. 439 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,360 [Vinnie] Blood and sand, look at this, dude. 440 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,000 [Ash] We've got something here, man. 441 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:11,800 Look at the state of that. 442 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,720 - [Ash] What is it? - It's Auntie Pat 443 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,200 having a smooch up with your mammy 444 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:19,360 and a selfie before selfies were even fucking selfies. 445 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,040 Don't get carried away, right. It's just a kiss. 446 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,520 You kiss Cardi, don't you? Friends kiss friends. 447 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,440 - What I'm saying is, all it is, is… - Playful. 448 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,040 - Oh! - Okay, that's summat else. 449 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,240 Stop. They're my mammy's boobs you're looking at. 450 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:33,600 Not just the boobs, sweetheart. 451 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,680 Bloody hell, it's like an angry badger. 452 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,680 - [Ash] I came out of that. - It's full… 453 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,120 How? Did you have a machete? [chuckles] 454 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:44,880 [slurps] 455 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:47,160 [giggles] 456 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,520 [chuckles] Go on. 457 00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:58,760 Oh, fuck. 458 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:15,120 [softly] Hello? 459 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:19,320 Oh. 460 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,240 No, no, it's not what it looks like. 461 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,400 There's flashlights in there, Pat. 462 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,080 - Will I come in there with you? - Yeah, come with me. 463 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,320 Will I bring my nunchucks? 464 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,120 You might as well now they're in your hands. 465 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,080 Don't fucking move, or I'll take your fucking heads! 466 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,640 - Ashley. - Yeah, Pat. 467 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,880 - Argh, you bleedin' know them? - I do. 468 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,680 But I don't know why the fuck they are in my fucking caravan. 469 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:51,800 Can we explain? 470 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,960 Fair play to them for taking off their shoes. Respect. 471 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:59,000 I'm not proud of myself, but, yeah, me and your mum, we… 472 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,200 We had a thing. What more can I tell you? 473 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,560 Life happens. 474 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,720 But I can tell you this, hand on heart, 475 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:11,600 I'm not your daddy. 476 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:14,360 How's that then? 477 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,480 I ain't got no seed. 478 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,280 I found out years ago when I was with my Martha. 479 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,200 It's probably what tore us apart in the end. 480 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:32,320 That and the dick sucking. 481 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:34,080 Mmm. 482 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,880 That's it then, isn't it? I'm never gonna find out. 483 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,600 Shit, man. Maybe it's for the best. 484 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,360 Maybe we ought to let sleeping dogs lie on this one. 485 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,880 If it's any consolation, I don't see my parents, either. 486 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,920 Mainly their decision, but, er… 487 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,880 [inhales deeply] I'm good with it. 488 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,720 Actually, there is one thing you could try. 489 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,440 - Yeah? - Yeah. Your brother Niall. 490 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,240 - Yeah? - He knows all the family history. 491 00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,480 [Vinnie] We tried. 492 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,960 He punched me in my fucking lip and Mick clipped my dick. 493 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,920 You know what he's like. Get him off his face. 494 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,720 Years ago, we had this Easter Egg hunt for all the kiddies. 495 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,080 We thought, "Let's jazz it up, make it a bit more interesting." 496 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,160 So. we had an Easter ecstasy hunt, right? [laughs] 497 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,200 Thousands of pills all over the site. 498 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,480 Your brother Niall, well, he found too many, didn't he? 499 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,280 The stories he was spewing out of his mouth, oh, my good days. 500 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,680 Fair enough. We need to slip him an E. How the fuck… 501 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,520 If you can get him to an event, 502 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,360 somewhere where you can spike his drink. 503 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,240 Sorry. 504 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,880 Sorry, guys. Sorry, I… 505 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:40,280 Cardi's wedding. 506 00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:42,280 Yeah. Cardi's wedding. Yeah. 507 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:48,560 [singing] ♪ When you feel so clean ♪ 508 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:52,400 ♪ And the soap smells serene ♪ 509 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:56,240 ♪ And you step right into a… ♪ 510 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:57,960 [reggae music playing] 511 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:01,200 What the fuck are you doing? 512 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,560 [Ronnie] What the fuck does it look like, Jim? 513 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,520 You're fucking pleasuring yourself. 514 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:07,680 And if you are, don't! 515 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,720 You think you can tell Ronnie Croft what to do? 516 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:14,120 Look, if I want to wank, Jim, I'll wank myself into oblivion, mate. 517 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:15,520 I'll be like a fire hydrant. 518 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,120 I'm two rooms away. 519 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:18,920 I don't like the idea that you're in here, 520 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,880 whazzing yourself off to fucking bukkake, or gonzo, 521 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,440 or whatever disgusting shit that you're into. 522 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,320 - Bukkake? Bukkake? - Don't play the innocent with me. 523 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,160 I've no idea, mate, like, none. 524 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,240 - The woman's on her fucking knees… - Yeah? 525 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,720 …and two blokes are jetting themselves off all over her. 526 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,360 [both laughing] 527 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,400 You seem to know a fucking lot about it, son. 528 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,320 I'm a man of the fucking world. 529 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,840 I'm an Englishman, with an Englishman's brain. 530 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,880 - And an Englishman's... - Taste in porn, go on. 531 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,920 I am not standing here, in a towel, in my spare room 532 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,360 discussing bukkake with the likes of you. 533 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,000 I'm off to a wedding bash. 534 00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,640 Woah-woah-woah! Just fucking woah, Jimberee. 535 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,080 What wedding? Which wedding bash? 536 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,720 Nosey shot the crow. 537 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,560 - [chuckles] Fuck! - Aah! 538 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:06,240 Come on. 539 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:08,480 [cheering] 540 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,720 ["Hallelujah, I Love Her So" playing] 541 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,080 ♪ She's my baby and she lives next door ♪ 542 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:14,080 ♪ Ah, yeah ♪ 543 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,440 ♪ Every morning 'fore the sun comes up ♪ 544 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,720 ♪ She brings me coffee In my favourite cup ♪ 545 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,600 ♪ That's why I know Yes, I know ♪ 546 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,120 ♪ Hallelujah, I just love her so ♪ 547 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,240 ♪ When I'm in trouble And I have no friend ♪ 548 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,320 ♪ I know she'll go with me Until the end ♪ 549 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,440 ♪ Everybody ask me how I know… ♪ 550 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:36,520 Oh, fuck. 551 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,960 ♪ I smile at them and say "She told me so" ♪ 552 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:40,960 ♪ That's why I know, oh… ♪ 553 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,040 Well… 554 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,360 Frosty the Snowman upstaging the bride. 555 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:45,440 [laughs] 556 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,200 - You look amazing. - You too. 557 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:48,880 You scrub up really well, don't ya? 558 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,680 That's fucking… "Scrub up really well." 559 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:52,320 Relax, Vin. 560 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:55,320 Cool. 561 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,800 We might get on, we might not. 562 00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,816 We're two people who like the look of each other, going to a party. 563 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,800 - Mmm-hmm. - Come on, get me pissed. 564 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:04,680 - He the best you can do? - [Vinnie] Shit. 565 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:06,160 Mental weed dealer. 566 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,080 Samantha, this is Carl Slater. 567 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,720 He, er, went to school with me, didn't you, mate? 568 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,240 Detective Slater. 569 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:16,240 Carl Slater as in "Carl Slater bums dogs"? 570 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,160 [Vinnie] The very same. Yes. 571 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,240 Don't get too attached, Samantha. He's going to prison soon. 572 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:25,840 And that's a promise, not a threat. 573 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,760 - [tyres screech, car stalls] - Oh. 574 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,480 Oh-ho-ho! 575 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,560 - Oh, dear God. [laughs] - [engine starts] 576 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,240 He's struggling. 577 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:38,760 - Oh, dear. - Do you know what I mean? 578 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,440 ["You've Made Me So Very Happy" playing] 579 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:43,840 ♪ You touched my very soul ♪ 580 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,600 ♪ You always showed me that ♪ 581 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,720 ♪ Loving you was where it's at ♪ 582 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,280 ♪ You made me so ♪ 583 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,720 ♪ Very happy ♪ 584 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,240 ♪ I'm so glad you ♪ 585 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,200 ♪ Came into my life… ♪ 586 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:08,840 ["Boys" playing] 587 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,080 Make sure Niall doesn't take the wrong glass. 588 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,120 Ashley, do I look like an amateur? 589 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,760 I've been spiking drinks since you were in short trousers. 590 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,680 Think on, it is in the special glass. 591 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,600 I'm just saying, who collects your rubbish? 592 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,880 Who fixes your fucking streetlights? 593 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:32,280 You might not use the schools, or like the fucking police 594 00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:35,520 but that doesn't mean you can't pay your taxes. 595 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,960 Get away from me before I punch you in your stupid mouth. 596 00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,160 Ha! Violence, you see! 597 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,720 They say it's a cliche, 598 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,960 but you fucking travellers solve everything with… 599 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:47,040 Ah! Fuck! 600 00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,600 - Prick! Oh, thanks. - Hey, hey, hey. 601 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,760 Fucking hell. Your sister went and necked it. 602 00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:55,640 What did I fucking say? 603 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,200 You better have more, Tommo. 604 00:27:57,280 --> 00:27:59,760 Ashley, I have got enough to sink a fucking camel. 605 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:01,760 The point is I've wasted it on your sister. 606 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:05,880 Hi. I'm Erin. 607 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:07,000 - Samantha. - Hi. 608 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:08,920 You're Tyler's mum? 609 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:10,640 - Yeah. - He's gorgeous. 610 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:12,720 You run this place, don't you? 611 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:14,840 Yeah, yeah. 612 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:16,880 Well, it's a means to an end. 613 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,320 - Bigger plans and all that. - Yeah. 614 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,200 I thought it shut down. How did you get it open so quickly? 615 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:26,320 Er, just sorted the licence and stuff. Yeah, not a big deal. 616 00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:30,520 Must cost a bit though, running a club. 617 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:31,600 How do you afford it? 618 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:34,680 I got a bank loan. 619 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:36,760 - ["Levitating" playing] - Yeah! 620 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,200 Aw, for fuck's sake. Excuse me. 621 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,560 Lads, Champagne. 622 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:44,360 Down the hatch and let the good times roll. 623 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:47,880 - Didn't you used to run this place? - I still do, you prick. 624 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,360 ♪ If you're feeling like you need A little bit of company ♪ 625 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,160 ♪ You met me at the perfect time ♪ 626 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,000 What the fuck are you doing here? 627 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:57,640 I'm a pleasure magnet, Erin. What do you expect? 628 00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,960 I am a party popper, 2-4-7, 3-6-5. 629 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:01,960 Do you know what I'm like? A moth. 630 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:04,720 I'm like a fucking moth. I'm drawn… [whistles] 631 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,240 - like a… What are they drawn to? - Flame. 632 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,760 A flame? It's not a flame. Is it a flame? 633 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:10,840 - It is. - Stupid pricks. 634 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,040 They burn themselves. No wonder they're like that. 635 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:14,120 Yes, often. 636 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:16,976 - You're a moth aren't you, Ronnie? - All right, dickhead? 637 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:17,840 Hiya, mate. 638 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:19,040 Listen to me now. 639 00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:20,880 Do not make a nuisance of yourself in here. 640 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,200 - I'm not gonna make a nuisance... - I'm being serious. 641 00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:25,680 Yeah, I'm being deadly… Is that a fucking fella in a dress? 642 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,240 Oi! Oi! Oi! You keeping… 643 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,040 Knobhead. 644 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:31,600 You can say that again. 645 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:33,760 Knobhead. 646 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,600 [dance music playing] 647 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,720 [growls, laughs] 648 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,560 [clears throat] Sorry there, erm, 649 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,200 I couldn't borrow him for a moment? 650 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,000 Yeah, be my guest. Need a pee, anyway. 651 00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:56,640 - Showtime, Vin. - Huh? 652 00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:57,960 - Showtime. - Shit. 653 00:29:58,040 --> 00:29:59,160 - Where is he? - There. 654 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,480 Fucking hell. He's off his head. The strength of that gear. 655 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:03,920 I had some last Christmas, 656 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:05,720 tried to get my trousers off over my head. 657 00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:07,800 Just give it a go, will you? Oh, here, now. 658 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,800 Fucking hell. Shit, dude. Hey up, Niall, big lad, oi. 659 00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:12,240 Come have a spliff with me, dude. 660 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,040 [kisses loudly] 661 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:16,800 - I'm twatted. - All right. 662 00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:18,920 - So fucking twatted. - Yes. Ouch! 663 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:21,400 Fuck! 664 00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,120 Ah, Vinnie. Vinnie, come here to me. 665 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,160 I'm sorry I was a twat in the pub. 666 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,920 No, it's okay. Cardi told me what you said. 667 00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,400 Not a day goes by you don't think about your mammy walking out. 668 00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:46,640 She should be ashamed, leaving you behind like that. 669 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,520 It's all right. It was a long time ago. 670 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:52,200 No. She hurt you so much. 671 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,920 She broke your heart and my mammy's heart, too. 672 00:30:56,360 --> 00:30:58,680 - Eh? - She loved him, Vinnie. 673 00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,840 I know she was married, but, oh, God, she loved him. 674 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:04,400 - Who did she love? - Tyrone. 675 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,440 - Who's Tyrone? - Tyrone Carver. 676 00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,440 He worked on the fairs. He was a beautiful man. 677 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:12,120 He's the one that gave her Ashley. 678 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:15,120 I don't understand. How's… 679 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,960 How's my mum broke your mum's heart? I don't get it. 680 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:20,680 - She stole him. - What? 681 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:24,280 Your mammy stole Tyrone Carver off my mammy. 682 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,680 And I… Your ma, I know she had her bothers, Vinnie, 683 00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:29,240 but she was beautiful, and fun, and she turned his head. 684 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,440 My ma couldn't complain, because she was married, 685 00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:32,760 but Vinnie, she loved him. 686 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,040 My mum, my mum, yeah, 687 00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,040 she ran off with fucking Tyrone Carver? 688 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,520 - And that's Ashley's dad, isn't it? - Yeah. 689 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,040 Yeah? Where the fuck did they go? 690 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:44,560 On the road. With the fair. 691 00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,240 And then word come back now and again about them, rumours. 692 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,640 But then she got the word that he'd died. Heart attack. 693 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:51,280 What the fuck? What about me mum? 694 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:53,840 Oh, she… She came back, too. 695 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,040 She was working in a bar up in Crossley Mere. 696 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,720 What do you mean, fucking Crossley fucking Mere? 697 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,400 It's 20 fucking mile away! 698 00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:06,280 Why have you never told me this? Eh? 699 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,000 You were better off without her. 700 00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:09,640 Even Mammy said the same thing. 701 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,240 What kind of a woman leaves her child like that? 702 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,720 She broke you in half, she'd only do the same again. 703 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,160 No. No. Shut up. You fucking shut your mouth. 704 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:18,400 You don't understand. 705 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:22,720 I've been waiting for my mam to come back for me, and she never did. 706 00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,840 And you've fucking known about it, you have. 707 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:26,600 You've known, and Mo knew. 708 00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,560 You never said a fucking thing to me. 709 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:30,240 - Who else knew? - Nobody else. 710 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:35,040 No one else knows. Just you lot. You're fucking unreal. Fuck! 711 00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:49,080 Hey, where's Vinnie? 712 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:50,160 He left. 713 00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:52,640 I think. 714 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,120 ["Juice" playing] 715 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:58,480 ♪ Gotta blame it on the Goose ♪ 716 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,080 ♪ Gotta blame it on my juice, baby ♪ 717 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,216 - Fucking hell. That's all right, innit? - [sniffing] 718 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:03,240 Right, can I just… 719 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:05,280 I'm blown away by you, and this, and all that, 720 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,520 your fucking open-mindedness and everything. 721 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,320 I've got loads of questions. Can I go? 722 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,200 - Sure. - Quick fire, Ronnie style, yeah? 723 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,440 [sniffs] Fuck me. Right. Are you ready? 724 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,200 - Are you trans? - No. 725 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:16,680 - Do you like men or women? - Both. 726 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:18,400 - Can I have some cocaine? - You had some. 727 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:19,840 - Are you happy? - Yeah. 728 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,560 Fucking wicked, man. I'll sit down. I can't feel my legs. 729 00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:24,400 Know what I mean? I'm happy you're happy. 730 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,160 That's what it's about. Being out there. 731 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:27,960 I've opened my mind. Do you wear knickers? 732 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:30,080 I do actually. Tell you what, 733 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:32,000 best thing I did, wearing women's clothes. 734 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,360 I would not change it for the world. Funny thing is I just love the pants. 735 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:37,800 Safe. Safe. 736 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:39,760 Safe. 737 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:41,160 ♪ That's how I roll ♪ 738 00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:44,000 ♪ If I'm shinin' Everybody gonna shine… ♪ 739 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,240 - [mobile phone rings] - Oh, sorry. 740 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,880 - Vinnie? - Erin, I… I need… 741 00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:52,600 I need you to come to the shack. 742 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:54,320 Why? What's happened? What's up? 743 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,920 I can't. I need to lock up and take Tyler home. 744 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,360 Just… Fuck. Just come to the shack. I need you. 745 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:00,760 Okay. All right, I'm on my way. 746 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:03,800 Shugs. How pissed are you? 747 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:06,040 - What? - How pissed are you? 748 00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:07,440 Fairly. 749 00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:09,239 Do me a favour and take Tyler home, yeah? 750 00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:11,280 - Yeah. - Thanks, mate. Thanks. 751 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:14,639 Tommo, lock up. 752 00:34:17,199 --> 00:34:18,199 Did you see that? 753 00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:20,560 Did you see the way she speaks to me? 754 00:34:20,639 --> 00:34:22,199 No. No. No. No. No. 755 00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,280 I will be dragged into the gates of Hades before I do that wench's bidding. 756 00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,960 Dido said it, right, now I'm saying it, 757 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,639 "I will go down with this ship, I won't give myself up and surrender." 758 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:33,360 Just lock the fucking club, Tom. 759 00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:36,400 Fair enough. 760 00:34:42,159 --> 00:34:43,159 You've got to go. 761 00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,520 - I can't. - Vin, it's 20 miles away. 762 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:49,080 You need to see if she's still there. 763 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:51,719 - Why, though? - Because she's your mum. 764 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:54,000 She's a mum who walked out on me. 765 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,320 She left me with an alcoholic man for some fucking bloke she met. 766 00:34:58,400 --> 00:34:59,320 That's not a mum. 767 00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:01,800 But you said she had mental health issues. 768 00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:04,200 I just can't believe it. 769 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:06,960 I can't believe she's back. 770 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,320 Working in a bar 20 minutes up the fucking road. 771 00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:13,680 I'll come with you. 772 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:20,400 - Thanks, but, no, I can't. - Vin, she's Tyler's grandma. 773 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,320 Yeah, and she lost the right to that the moment she fucked off. 774 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,040 She walked out on her son. She doesn't care. 775 00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,200 Fuck. I've just never been able to understand it my whole life. 776 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:32,920 Why she left. 777 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:34,600 People do, Vin. 778 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:38,240 People with problems leave everyday. 779 00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:41,240 Because they're so unhappy, 780 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:43,880 or they think everybody's better off without them. 781 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:48,840 Maybe she's scared. 782 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:53,360 Maybe she wanted to come back and she wanted to see you, 783 00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:54,960 but she was, you know, 784 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:57,880 she was worried that you might hate her or reject her. 785 00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,640 Maybe… Maybe it breaks her heart, 786 00:36:02,720 --> 00:36:04,800 but she's had to parcel it away, you know. 787 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:07,560 Vin, you don't know. 788 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:12,040 This has been hanging over you since you were seven-years-old. 789 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:14,480 It's made you the person you are. 790 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:17,920 It's meant that you've never left this town. 791 00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:24,560 I don't wanna hate her. 792 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:27,320 I like her like this. 793 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:31,200 A lady in a photograph. 794 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:39,120 - I'm not going. - You are. 795 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:46,680 Oh, fuck. 796 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:48,960 Oh, Jesus Christ, Cardi. 797 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,800 You're a fucking animal in the scratcher. 798 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:52,480 Oh, fucking hell. 799 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,520 It's after given me the awful horn now, though, like. 800 00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,920 - What about we go for round two? - Yeah. Definitely. 801 00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,080 Can I just have two minutes to reload? 802 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,480 Maybe we should watch a bit of porn, get us in the mood again. 803 00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:07,600 I've got the perfect thing. 804 00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:09,000 - Ah. - Oh, yeah. 805 00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:10,080 - Ah. - Do you like that? 806 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:11,240 - I do. - Enjoying that? 807 00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:12,320 I am. 808 00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,280 From one porn actor to another, happy wedding, Carol. 809 00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:16,720 We love you. 810 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:18,640 Oh, that's lovely. 811 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:21,840 Thanks. 812 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:23,920 - Shall we crack on then? - Come on. 813 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:25,520 ["The Whole Of the Law" playing] 814 00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,960 ♪ I used to have the notion ♪ 815 00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:33,440 ♪ I could swim the length of the ocean ♪ 816 00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:39,040 ♪ If I knew you were waiting for me ♪ 817 00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:47,840 ♪ I used to have the notion… ♪ 818 00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:51,640 Right, we've passed two pubs and a grotty wine bar, 819 00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:54,360 if she is still working here, odds are in our favour. 820 00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:57,520 What will I say? 821 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:00,840 [man] This your mum? 822 00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:01,920 Yeah. 823 00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:03,760 You look like her. 824 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:04,840 Oh. 825 00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:06,840 - She's less bald. - Right. 826 00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:11,960 I mean, to be fair, that's a lady isn't it? So… 827 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:14,160 My Aunty Jean's bald. 828 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:16,760 Alopecia. 829 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,160 On VE Day, we drew a Union Jack on it. 830 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:21,800 I've got a photo. 831 00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:24,600 Get it out. 832 00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:28,040 No, sorry, not here. She looks sort of familiar maybe, 833 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:29,840 but I don't really know her. 834 00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:31,720 All right. Thanks, anyway. 835 00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:35,840 - All right, cocker. - Can I show you this photo here? 836 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:37,080 I'm looking for a lady. 837 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,760 So, her name's Andrea, and she'll be a lot older than that now. 838 00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:41,960 You see. 839 00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:44,080 I think she worked behind the bar at some point. 840 00:38:44,160 --> 00:38:45,560 You don't recognise her, do you? 841 00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:49,640 There's, erm, there's a Cassandra, and a Maggie. 842 00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:54,280 Hmm, do they look like this lady, Cassandra or Maggie? 843 00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:58,160 - Not really. - Okay. 844 00:38:58,240 --> 00:38:59,600 Sorry to have bothered you. 845 00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:01,960 What can I get you? 846 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:03,640 Can we ask a quick question, please? 847 00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:05,240 - Question? - [Erin] Yeah. 848 00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:06,640 What am I, Tourist Information? 849 00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:08,560 Buy a drink, you can ask what you like. 850 00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,080 Can we have two halves of lager? 851 00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,320 Halves? What are you, homosexual? 852 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,200 How does that make me a homosexual? 853 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:16,280 It's a known fact. 854 00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:18,400 Just like they can't swim, or shoot a firearm. 855 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,040 Can't play snooker, they can't fix a moped, 856 00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,680 - they can't throw a frisbee... - Can't tame a unicorn! 857 00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:25,440 They're fucking useless at it. 858 00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:28,360 What a stupid fucking list, you daft, old bigot. 859 00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:29,920 - Get the fuck out. - I will do. 860 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:31,760 - All right. okay. We're going. - Hey, hey... 861 00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:33,160 - No, Vin... - Just let me… 862 00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:35,200 I've just gotta ask him. I'm fascinated. 863 00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:36,600 I'll never understand it. 864 00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:38,280 How does it affect you? 865 00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:41,560 - One man sucking another man's dick? - Sucking another man's dick? 866 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,120 I'll suck your dick! I'll bite the bastard thing off. 867 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:45,120 [scoffs] 868 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,880 What a bizarre thing to say, given the conversation we've just had. 869 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:49,800 [laughs] 870 00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,760 Show your face here again, I'll shove this up your arse! 871 00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:54,200 And not in a good way. 872 00:39:58,360 --> 00:39:59,360 [Erin] There you go. 873 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:02,320 I've ordered us a bacon butty as well. 874 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:03,480 Something to cheer us up. 875 00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:07,800 Maybe she weren't here long. 876 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,960 Maybe she came back, then she moved away again. 877 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:13,760 Yeah, maybe. 878 00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:18,800 We can keep looking for her. Go from shop to shop. Ask everyone. 879 00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:21,120 It don't matter. Honestly. 880 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:28,360 Nothing'll ever hurt as bad as when she left. 881 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:32,440 I had to protect myself. And I have. 882 00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:33,880 It were just… 883 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,640 Fuck. I'm a dad, now. Grown-ass man. 884 00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:40,840 I have Tyler. 885 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:42,520 If he got hurt, and I couldn't help… 886 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:47,920 Or if I could never see him again… 887 00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,760 I think it'd probably break me in half. 888 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:54,200 [sighs] 889 00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:57,280 That's a lot of pressure, that, Vin. 890 00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:01,680 Of course I don't wanna hurt you, 891 00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,320 but I can't promise we'll be around forever. 892 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:08,040 You know the way I feel about you. 893 00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:10,880 What about Samantha? 894 00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:12,640 That thing you whispered in my ear, 895 00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:15,560 before they put me in jail, 896 00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:18,120 Number 12. You want sauce with them? 897 00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:19,200 [Vinnie] Oh, fuck. 898 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:21,800 - Shit. - What? 899 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,040 - Mum? - [Erin] Andrea? 900 00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:25,120 Yeah. 901 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:29,080 It's Vin. It's Vinnie. 902 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:32,720 Red or brown? 903 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:37,720 No. No. No. That's your son, that's Vinnie. We've come looking for you. 904 00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:40,440 There's free refills on the coffee. 905 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,760 Just stop a sec. I did as I was told. 906 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,400 I stayed, but you didn't come back. 907 00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:51,640 You've grown, haven't you? 908 00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:54,480 Good looking. 909 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:00,120 - I'll get the sauces. - Mum? 910 00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:02,840 Vin, just give her a minute. She's overwhelmed. 911 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,160 My heart's beating out of my chest here. 912 00:42:06,240 --> 00:42:09,280 Can you ask that lady to come back? Please. 913 00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:11,320 Can I just nip through? 914 00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,560 - It's private, mate. - I know, I'm really sorry. 915 00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:17,160 Mum! Mum! 916 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:21,640 I stayed where you told me to stay. 917 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:25,760 I have a little boy. 918 00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:29,680 He's called Tyler. 919 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,840 ["One Of Us Cannot Be Wrong" playing] 920 00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:47,760 - You all right, mate? - Yeah. 921 00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:52,040 Does she have a family? 922 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:55,040 Husband. Step-kid. 923 00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:57,360 [sighs] 924 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:00,400 Is she happy? 925 00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:03,720 [exhales] 926 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:04,800 Hard to tell. 927 00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:07,040 She… 928 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:08,360 Does her work and goes home. 929 00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:09,520 Hmm. 930 00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:18,120 I'm sorry. 931 00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:27,400 [exhales deeply] 932 00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:31,320 Did you speak to her? 933 00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:32,920 - Hmm. - Yeah? 934 00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:36,680 Where is she? 935 00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:38,400 She's gone. 936 00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:40,640 Where? 937 00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:42,880 She just walked away. 938 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:47,040 That's twice now. 939 00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:56,600 She's just a lady. 940 00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:00,840 I'm so sorry, Vin. 941 00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:03,400 It's okay. 942 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,000 Let's go home. 943 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:10,560 [song continues] 944 00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:14,160 [vocalising] 945 00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:30,880 - All right, Vinnie. - Ey up, Pat. 946 00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:34,680 - Fancy a brew, lads? - Go on. 947 00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:36,920 - [Vinnie] Love one. - [Ash] Thank you, Auntie. 948 00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,000 [Vinnie] Sorry you never got to meet him. 949 00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:44,200 Your real dad. 950 00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:49,760 At least now I know. At least now I've got a name. 951 00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:55,680 She did love him. 952 00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:58,560 You know? 953 00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,240 You'd have been born out of love there. 954 00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:09,400 And some great fucking sex, apparently. 955 00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:11,200 - [both laugh] - Ah. 956 00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,520 ["It's A Motherfucker" playing] 957 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,080 ♪ It's a motherfucker… ♪ 958 00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:22,320 Does this make us brothers? 959 00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,000 ♪ Being here without you ♪ 960 00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:28,480 Yeah. 961 00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:32,080 Sure it does, mate. 962 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:38,360 ♪ And I won't ever be the same ♪ 963 00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:45,160 ♪ It's a motherfucker ♪ 964 00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:49,120 ♪ Getting through a Sunday ♪ 965 00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:54,160 ♪ Talking to the walls Just me again… ♪ 966 00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:00,200 [all cheering] 967 00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,680 Three Eyed Pete's barge, here we come! 968 00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:04,520 - I'm sorry. - Don't be silly. 969 00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:10,560 ♪ I won't ever be the same ♪ 970 00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:15,840 - You all right? - Yeah. 971 00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:17,880 Christ, they're funny. 972 00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,320 What's a bloody family, anyway? 973 00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:24,600 It's just a name you call all the people around you. 974 00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:28,120 This is my family here. 975 00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:30,840 You. 976 00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:32,680 That little lad. 977 00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:35,280 You're the ones who cheer me up when I'm sad, 978 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:38,840 you're the ones who put a smile on my face when I feel like shit, you know? 979 00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,920 And fuck, man, the rest is just… It's just the past. 980 00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:44,360 Daddy. 981 00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:47,920 Uncle Daddy… [grunts] …and Uncle Dylan. 982 00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:50,680 - Give him a smooch. Oh! - Love it. 983 00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:52,520 Give me a smooch. Oh! 984 00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:53,920 [Sugar] Have a great time! 985 00:46:55,240 --> 00:46:56,360 Fuck his brains out. 986 00:46:57,360 --> 00:46:59,800 - Shouldn't take too long. - [all laughing] 987 00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:02,320 [song continues] 988 00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:26,240 As you can see, the safe is no longer here. 989 00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:27,680 He said, "You do that, 990 00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:30,000 "otherwise I'll hurt your sister." Argh! 991 00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:31,320 - Who? - Keithy. 992 00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:33,160 [screaming] 993 00:47:33,240 --> 00:47:34,240 [shouting indistinctly] 994 00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:36,960 [brakes screech] 995 00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:38,520 He's dead as a fuckin doornail. 996 00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:41,640 He's over near the big tree. 997 00:47:42,720 --> 00:47:43,960 [screams] 998 00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,880 The police could bang on that door any second. 999 00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:47,360 - [knock at door] - [all scream] 1000 00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:49,600 ["(I Got) So Much Trouble In My Mind" playing] 1001 00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:52,400 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 1002 00:47:53,720 --> 00:47:56,520 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 1003 00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,720 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 1004 00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:04,720 ♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪ 1005 00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:08,760 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪ 1006 00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:12,760 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪